Moral Code
by ShadowOfApate
Summary: What would Weaver do if she was faced with her own Morals? How far would she go to save herself?
1. Default Chapter

ER - Moral Code, by Aeris Jade Orion  
  
  
  
  
  
Part One...  
  
  
  
She walked down the sidewalk of the plaza, letting her  
  
mind go blank. She didn't really need anything, but  
  
she liked to treat herself every once in a while. It  
  
was something she had started doing whenever life was  
  
hard. It wasn't the "Ben & Jerry's" solution but it  
  
helped, without the added weight. If she ever needed  
  
a boost it was today.   
  
  
  
Romano had called her into his office about the  
  
incident that she'd been suspended over. The board  
  
had some doubts about her continuing as Chief. She'd  
  
thought that was over, that she'd paid the price for  
  
breaking the rules, but Corday's incident had put them  
  
on eggshells. In other words, with them settling out,  
  
they were afraid of how it would look with her in  
  
charge of the ER.   
  
  
  
Then there was Kim. She had finally allowed herself  
  
to admit that she was attracted to her, but the  
  
question of whether she was gay or not was still  
  
hanging over her head. But did she really need to  
  
label herself? Couldn't she just be whatever she  
  
wanted without having to worry about what sexuality  
  
she was?   
  
  
  
A glint of light caught her eye. Stopping next to the  
  
display window, she stared at the long, dark, red silk  
  
nightgown. It was beautiful, something she never  
  
would've dreamed of trying on. She didn't have the  
  
body for it. 'Would it really hurt just to try it  
  
on?'   
  
  
  
She was someone who wore cotton nightgowns and pajama  
  
sets to bed. Even when she was married, she didn't  
  
get into the whole lace and silk thing. She just  
  
didn't have the mentality or the self-esteem for it.   
  
She had always been afraid that her lover or husband  
  
would laugh at her.   
  
  
  
She nervously entered the store and scanned it, just  
  
to make sure no one she knew was there. There was a  
  
young couple in the back, grabbing shirts and jeans in  
  
a hurry. The dark-haired man with the bushy mustache  
  
was holding his arm close to his body. The lanky  
  
blonde woman with severe features was very quiet and  
  
glancing around subtly. They both had the too-lean  
  
look of people who were living on too much stress and  
  
not enough food and rest. Kerry saw it enough in  
  
students and residents to recognize it instantly.   
  
  
  
A younger, muscular black man was close by to them,  
  
waiting in line to pay for a sweater. He was eyeing  
  
the couple out of the corner of his eye suspiciously,  
  
even Kerry could see that. There were a couple of  
  
other people in the store, but no one she recognized.   
  
Satisfied that she was safe, she approached the rack  
  
with the nightgown, and started to shift through them.  
  
  
  
  
  
She stopped as she saw the size ten, focusing on it  
  
for a long minute. She was still indecisive about it.  
  
Was she doing this for herself? Or for someone else?  
  
What was she thinking? She should just walk away and  
  
forget about this ridiculous idea.   
  
  
  
"Oh. Classic design, and very tasteful," said a voice  
  
directly behind her. Kerry blushed as the young  
  
saleswoman looked her over. "Excellent choice." She  
  
reached over and pulled it off the rack. "I just  
  
happen to have a dressing room available."   
  
  
  
"I...don't know..."   
  
  
  
"Well, I do." The energetic blonde grabbed her arm  
  
and pulled her towards the dressing rooms.   
  
  
  
Kerry came to a stop to tell the saleswoman that she  
  
had decided to leave. That she wasn't interested.   
  
Something about all this made her nervous, more so  
  
than she would have imagined. Maybe it was the  
  
saleswoman. She was young and perky, reminding Kerry  
  
eerily of the late Lucy Knight, and made Kerry feel  
  
old and dumpy by comparison.   
  
  
  
The blonde...Karen, her tag said, glanced at her  
  
curiously, just as Kerry's attention was captured by  
  
something else over her shoulder. Blood. Just a  
  
glimpse of it in her peripheral vision, but Kerry'd  
  
seen enough of it to know. Someone was bleeding. The  
  
stressed man with the mustache.   
  
  
  
Ignoring Karen, Kerry turned to go offer her  
  
services...and then time slowed down as everything  
  
happened at once...   
  
  
  
The mustached man winced as blood dripped from his  
  
left hand, he looked over at his wife and over at the  
  
black man standing in line. His wife and the man in  
  
line stared at each other, and her eyes suddenly  
  
narrowed in recognition. Something clicked between  
  
the woman and the black man and they dropped the  
  
clothes in their hands, drawing their guns at the same  
  
time.   
  
  
  
The woman shot first, hitting him in the chest, but as  
  
the man fell back his hand convulsed and his gun  
  
fired. The woman's husband jerked back and fell to  
  
the ground, a stain of red spreading across his chest.  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry's world seemed to turn to ice as she watched it  
  
all happen in slow motion. Both men fell at once, the  
  
black man already dead. As his body struck the  
  
ground, she saw a flash of silver clipped to his belt  
  
where his shirt rode up. A police officer, maybe off  
  
duty.   
  
  
  
"NOOO!!!" The woman screamed out in rage, turning her  
  
9mm Beretta on the small crowd, as if searching for  
  
more enemies, and firing at whoever she saw.   
  
  
  
The collected onlookers let out screams of their own,  
  
some diving for cover, some just dropping to the floor  
  
piteously. Kerry heard Karen shriek behind her, and  
  
knew she should turn and tackle the saleswoman, pull  
  
her down. But something made her hobble forward,  
  
toward the mustached man, her medical instinct  
  
screaming at her to save his life.   
  
  
  
The tall woman with the gun pivoted, smashing Kerry  
  
across the back with the butt of her gun. Kerry cried  
  
out in pain and fell, turning over to look down - or  
  
up - the barrel of the gun, seeing the white knuckle  
  
tightening on the trigger.   
  
  
  
She had time to scream, "WAIT, I'M A DOCTOR...!!"  
  
before the gun fired.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't believe I'm hearing this," Romano muttered.   
  
  
  
"What was that?"   
  
  
  
Romano scowled at Anderson until the fat jerk gulped.   
  
"I said, I don't believe this. Dr. Weaver is one of  
  
the best administrators that this hospital has ever  
  
had. Under her leadership the ER has gained a 10  
  
percent efficiency rating. The budget has been cut by  
  
another 17 percent, and morale is at its highest."   
  
  
  
"I thought you'd be happy about this. After all, you  
  
are the one that gives her the hardest time," Anderson  
  
stated.   
  
  
  
Romano clenched his fist, fighting back the urge to  
  
deck Anderson. The smug bastard was always looking  
  
for an excuse to get a rise out of him. He flinched;  
  
all right, that wasn't a mental picture he needed  
  
right now. "I give her the hardest time because she  
  
has the most potential," he explained patiently. "She  
  
is my pupil and I am training her. When I retire, I  
  
fully expect that she'll take my place."   
  
  
  
It was Romano's turn to smirk at the board's silence.   
  
They had not expected that.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry opened her eyes, the breath ragged in her lungs.  
  
The woman had turned the gun barrel away at the last  
  
instant. "What did you say...?" she demanded.   
  
  
  
"I-I'm a doctor..." she gasped. "...please. I just  
  
want to help."   
  
  
  
The woman glanced down at her husband who was bleeding  
  
and back at her. "You expect me to believe that  
  
you're a doctor?" she finally asked, gesturing at the  
  
crutch.   
  
  
  
"I'm Doctor Weaver. I'm an attending at County  
  
General." She took another deep breath.   
  
  
  
The woman glared at her, considering, and then seized  
  
her by the collar and pulled her up off the floor, the  
  
gun jabbed painfully under her chin. "Fine. You help  
  
my husband or I'll kill you." Then she turned the  
  
Beretta on the store manager. "Lock up. Now!"   
  
  
  
She watched as the older man raced to the front  
  
lowering the blinds and snapping the lock into place.   
  
His hands were shaking, and he looked like he had to  
  
go to the bathroom.   
  
  
  
"Is there a back entrance?"   
  
  
  
The manager cleared his throat nervously.   
  
  
  
The woman leveled the gun at his right eye and made a  
  
growling sound. "Don't...make me...ask again."   
  
  
  
"No," he answered quietly.   
  
  
  
"Thank you." She smiled, and blew his brains out.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Romano smiled happily to himself as he strolled into  
  
the ER, one of the lesser provinces of his little  
  
empire. Kerry was going to owe him big time for this  
  
one. He had managed to talk the board into letting  
  
her keep her job, and he, in turn, hadn't lost his  
  
future replacement. All he needed to do was to get  
  
that last shred of humanity out of her, then she'd be  
  
ready.   
  
  
  
Of course, he wasn't planning on retiring any time  
  
soon, but it was never too soon to plan for it.   
  
Besides, if he lost her now, he'd probably have to end  
  
up handling all her paperwork himself. Speaking of  
  
which...   
  
  
  
"Where's Weaver? Isn't she supposed to be on today?"  
  
he asked, receiving only a brusque shrug in reply. He  
  
leaned over the admittance desk and glared at Randi.   
  
"Are you just dumb or did you just not hear my  
  
question?"   
  
  
  
"What was that? I couldn't hear you," she said  
  
sarcastically, popping her gum.   
  
  
  
"Because I'm in such a generous mood I'll let that go,  
  
If you tell me where Weaver is."   
  
  
  
"Not here."   
  
  
  
"I will ask you one more time, and if you don't give  
  
me a straight answer you'll be working three shifts  
  
straight this Saturday."   
  
  
  
Randi shifted uncomfortably, the threat hitting the  
  
mark. "Fine. She never showed up, and she hasn't  
  
called. Satisfied?"   
  
  
  
Romano stared at the desk clerk for a long moment.   
  
Kerry's shift started over ten minutes ago, and she  
  
was never late. "Then find her. Call her, page her,  
  
I don't care. Just...find her."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry forced herself to keep her eyes open, to keep  
  
them focused on the cold killer in front of her. She  
  
couldn't let herself feel right now, not if she wanted  
  
to stay alive. She couldn't let herself see the  
  
deaths of the manager and the policeman.   
  
  
  
Carefully she turned her head to look at the  
  
saleswoman from earlier. She was still alive and  
  
standing, thank god. So were a few customers and one  
  
other salesman, but the nervous, angry impulses  
  
running visibly through the armed woman's body told  
  
her that someone could die at any second. Including  
  
her.   
  
  
  
She cut those thoughts off. If she thought, she felt,  
  
and if she felt, she would break down. Right now, she  
  
had to be strong.   
  
  
  
"All right, now here's what's going to happen," the  
  
woman declared, stooping to pick up the dead cop's .38  
  
revolver and stick it in her belt. "You are all going  
  
to sit down and stay quiet."   
  
  
  
The remaining customers and staff all sat obediently  
  
down at the base of a sales desk.   
  
  
  
"As for you...doctor...what's your name again?"   
  
  
  
"Weaver. Kerry Weaver," she replied, hoping her voice  
  
wouldn't break.   
  
  
  
Without warning, the woman smiled crazily. "Nice to  
  
meet you, Dr. Weaver. I'm Erin." She stuck out an  
  
empty hand.   
  
  
  
Kerry shook it before she realized what she was doing.  
  
And then, before she could pull her hand back, she  
  
felt it gripped with painful strength.   
  
  
  
"And you're going to take care of my husband as if  
  
your life depends on it," the smiling woman informed  
  
her with Clint Eastwood coldness. "Because it does." 


	2. Chapter Two

Moral Code  
  
Part Two  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net   
  
Rating: PG-14   
  
Pairing: KW/KL, ensemble   
  
Spoilers: *rolls eyes* What do u think? Kim's in it. duh.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Randi rubbed the back of her neck, waiting for the coffee machine to start. For the last twenty minutes she'd been searching for Weaver, a task that was proving almost impossible. Carter said he hadn't seen her when asked, Malucci made some lame joke about aliens abducting her, and Haleh had just snapped, "How would I know?!" One big, happy family.   
  
  
  
She frowned at the coffee machine. For some reason, it just didn't want to work. That was infuriating; they'd just had it serviced the other day, and it still didn't work! She gave it an irritable smack with the heel of her hand.   
  
  
  
Tired of waiting for the coffee, she took a seat at the lounge table and grabbed the television remote, starting to surf through the   
  
channels. Nature, cartoons, cartoons, paid program, soap opera, news, Weaver, soap opera... WHOA!!!   
  
  
  
She paused, letting her brain catch up with her thumb. Quickly flipping back, she stared in shock at the images being broadcast live from downtown.   
  
  
  
"Ohhh, shit..."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Romano narrowed his eyes at the med student that was near tears. The young man took a shaky step back, as he took two steps forward. When he got through with the kid...   
  
  
  
"Dr. Romano, I found Weaver!"   
  
  
  
Robert instantly forgot about the student, spinning on his heel to face Randi. "About time. Where the hell is she?"   
  
  
  
"Umm, I think you should come see this yourself," the clerk replied, nervously, waving at the lounge door.   
  
  
  
"What, did she trip on her crutch or something?"   
  
  
  
"No! Will you just...?!" Randi was practically whining with anxiety. Like Lassie after little Timmy fell down the well.   
  
  
  
Robert's mood evaporated at the sound of Randi's voice, replaced instead with caution. Randi never sounded that upset. He headed for the lounge in Randi's wake and slammed through the door, keeping a careful hold on his emotions. He wasn't about to let anybody see anything other than what he wanted them to.   
  
  
  
He stopped inside the door only to find Randi watching the television. "I thought you said Weaver was in here," he snapped impatiently. "So where is she?"   
  
  
  
Randi pointed at the television set. "There."   
  
  
  
His eyed followed her finger...and his jaw dropped.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry shifted so that her right leg was taking her weight, and pressed the expensive designer shirt onto the wound. Listening as Erin talked with the negotiator. They couldn't use sharpshooters with the blinds down, and as long as she and the others were alive they wouldn't risk storming the store.   
  
  
  
In the distance they could hear sirens. Ambulances, squad cars... She shook her head. It was a waste of time. There would be no one left alive by the time this was over. Erin would execute them all. There was no doubt she wouldn't get out of this... No, she couldn't think like that. She had to think about Karen, who couldn't be more than twenty years old, reminding Kerry eerily of Lucy Knight...   
  
  
  
Kerry gritted her teeth. She'd lost Lucy, but that wouldn't happen again. Not here, not now. She had to hold on.   
  
  
  
Erin suddenly stopped in her frantic pacing and yelled "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!" into the face of one of her hostages. The man whimpered and shook his head helplessly.   
  
  
  
Kerry could feel the rage vibrating through their captor even from where she crouched by her injured husband. She was well aware of how unstable the situation was, but she had to act. "Erin," she said.   
  
  
  
The gun barrel locked onto her. "What?" Erin hissed.   
  
  
  
"The bleeding is worse than I thought," Kerry told her, keeping her voice calm and clinical. "I need supplies if I'm to help him."   
  
  
  
Erin stared back at her, studying her, looking for any sign of her lying. Then she abruptly lowered the gun and shrugged casually. "No problem. There's gotta be a first aid kit..."   
  
  
  
"No. I need hospital supplies. I need help."   
  
  
  
That brought a short, harsh laugh. "Yeah, so I just let you run out the hospital and you'll really come back, and the cops'll let you back in, no foolin'? Forget it, and just do your job. If he dies, you die."   
  
  
  
Kerry took a deep breath. She needed to stay in control. "Let me go out there and talk to the negotiator. I can talk them into getting me what I need."   
  
  
  
The other hostages were looking nervously from one woman to the other, a faint trace of hope in their eyes as they looked at Kerry. Someone who might take control of the situation and rescue them somehow...   
  
  
  
Erin was wrestling with her own thoughts. "If this is a trick..."   
  
  
  
"It isn't. I swear to you on my oath as a doctor, I'll get help and return." She nodded at the wounded man. "Please. It's the only chance he's got."   
  
  
  
Erin frowned...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry stepped out of the store, scanning the lines of police cars, SWAT vans, ambulances, and television news teams. Reporters with microphones were already broadcasting, their cameras turning suddenly to focus on her as she emerged. Kerry scowled at the greed of the action-starved media and focused her thoughts. She only had five minutes, then Erin would kill someone.   
  
  
  
One of the agents stood up and approached her, meeting her halfway. He was perfectly calm, his suit impeccable. He was maybe forty-five, with thinning black hair and smooth skin. The sea of pistols, rifles, and shotguns trained on the store parted, the officers diverting their field of fire, allowing him to pass safely. "Tom Hall, FBI," he said without preamble. "You all right?"   
  
  
  
"I'm fine," she said quickly. "My name's Kerry Weaver, I'm a doctor, and I've been sent for..."   
  
  
  
"Are there just the two of them?" Hall interrupted.   
  
  
  
"Yes. One is wounded..."   
  
  
  
"Have they said anything about the time of..."   
  
  
  
"Just listen, will you?" Kerry snapped. "I need medical supplies, and I don't have a lot of time!"   
  
  
  
"Neither do we. Just tell us what you need."   
  
  
  
Kerry told him the list of supplies, and waved at an aide with a cell phone to make it happen. She glared suspiciously at him, feeling that something was seriously off here. "All right," she said, "What's going on here?"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Romano glanced at the clerk, then glanced at the television again. Standing a short distance from a line of police cars and an ambulance was his missing Chief, talking to some stuffed shirt FBI agent. She began to shake her head in frustration and turned heading back for the closed up store. The only sound audible was some yuppie reporter giving a play-by-play commentary. "One person has exited the store, but it does not appear that the authorities consider her a threat. Possibly she is one of the hostages, acting as a spokesperson..."   
  
  
  
"Randi," Romano said, his customary arrogance gone, "I want you to make some calls, find out what's going on."   
  
  
  
Randi nodded and stood up. "Right..."   
  
  
  
"And have the staff stand by to receive casualties, but don't tell anyone Weaver's involved, got that?" He tried the coffee machine, scowled when it failed to work for him either, then gave up on it.   
  
  
  
She looked at him in surprise. "What? But Dr. Romano, they should know..."   
  
  
  
He whirled to glare at her. "I don't want anyone panicking over this. I want them cool and professional, not glued to the screen and gossiping. Weaver'd tell you the same thing if she were here."   
  
  
  
Randi looked like she wanted to argue, but nodded. "Okay, Dr. Romano, you're the bos..."   
  
  
  
Two shots suddenly echoed off the television. The reporter's voice went up noticeably. "There have been shots fired, I repeat there have been two shots fired inside the store...!"   
  
  
  
Robert stared anxiously at the screen. "What the hell..."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"...are you doing?!"   
  
  
  
"You were two seconds late." Erin snapped the new clip into her Beretta casually. "I told you five minutes, not five minutes and two seconds."   
  
  
  
Kerry was speechless as the young salesman slumped to the ground, staring lifelessly at the ceiling. Two seconds. She walked in TWO SECONDS late and for that, a young man was now dead.   
  
  
  
"Now, did you get your supplies?"   
  
  
  
"Uh, they're sending someone over to County for them now."   
  
  
  
"Good."   
  
  
  
Kerry kneeled next to David, her eyes darkening unconsciously. It was hard to tell which situation was worse, the one inside the store or the one outside. The things Agent Hall had told her didn't make her feel any better.   
  
  
  
"David and Erin Truman," Hall had said, "are part of a fanatical terrorist circle who feel the American government has failed its   
  
people. They want to tear it all down and start over again. They've been linked with several high-casualty explosions recently. You may have heard about a few. We located the group yesterday, and accounted for most of them. The Trumans were among those who got away, though we suspected David had been wounded in the escape. We've had the police on the lookout for them; the rookie detective in there must have spotted them, too late.   
  
  
  
"David's the brains of the pair," Hall had continued, "the expert in electronics and demolition. She's not so stable; diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, possibly bipolar. Don't ask me what he sees in her."   
  
  
  
Kerry had listened to all this, her blood running cold. "All right," she had said, swallowing with difficulty. "If I can help David, maybe I can calm Erin down, and you can wait until she gets tired...enters a depressive phase..."   
  
  
  
"No time for that," Hall had answered with a shake of his head. "We may not have the luxury of hostage rescue."   
  
  
  
"What...?!"   
  
  
  
"We're fighting the clock here, Dr. Weaver, and we may have to go in fast and hard."   
  
  
  
"What about the people in there?!"   
  
  
  
"Considered expendable. We've got bigger concerns."   
  
  
  
They had argued about that until they heard the shots. Kerry cursed herself now for getting caught up in the debate and losing track of time. That young man might still be alive now...   
  
  
  
No, it wasn't her fault. She'd been trying to convince Hall not to use force. The agents couldn't care less about the hostages. If   
  
circumstances had allowed, they would've charged in with guns blazing and taken everyone down.   
  
  
  
Now, it was up to her to save the lives of everyone in the store. A responsibility that she did not want. 


	3. Chapter Three

Moral Code   
  
Part Three  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Pairing: KW/KL, ensemble   
  
Spoilers: Do I really need to answer that? Come on, now.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Romano slammed the receiver down into the cradle. Randi, on the other line, didn't look like she was having any more luck. Oh, someone was going to pay for this.   
  
  
  
He spotted a resident darting by, trying to drop off a chart at the desk while avoiding any contact with the Chief of Staff. "Carter!"   
  
  
  
The young man stopped short and slowly turned to face him. "Yes, Dr. Roma--"   
  
  
  
Romano handed him a list. "You've got five minutes to pack a box with these supplies, or you're fired. Go."   
  
  
  
Carter blinked in surprise. "Sure, but what's the big..."   
  
  
  
Randi swiveled in her chair and snapped, "You heard him, GO!"   
  
  
  
Romano watched with grim pleasure as the resident glanced from him, to Randi, to the list and back, then take off. Carter obviously didn't understand what was going on, but at least he knew when to shut up and follow orders. If Robert wanted Carter's opinion, he'd give it to him.   
  
  
  
The agent would be here in a few minutes to pick it up. If those morons let anything happen to Weaver, then they were going to pay a high price, a very high price.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kim carefully folded the wet napkin around the stem of the rose and stepped off the elevator. She was supposed to have met Kerry for lunch five minutes ago, and was running late. She just hoped that the romantic in Kerry would see the rose and forgive her. They'd only been dating for three days, and she didn't want to get in trouble so soon.   
  
  
  
She scanned the ER for the short redhead, and seeing she wasn't there, she entered the lounge. The desk clerk was talking very softly with Romano next to the table, while struggling to get a coffee machine working, but no redhead was there to be found. "Randi, have you seen Kerry?"   
  
  
  
The desk clerk paled noticeably, looking up from the useless machine and looked at Romano. "Ummm..."   
  
  
  
He leaned against the nearby counter and smiled, but she could see that it was forced. "May I ask what's so important?"   
  
  
  
"We're supposed to meet for lunch." She raised the rose so he could see it. She had the feeling that something was wrong.   
  
  
  
His smile faded as he took in the single rose. "Randi. Go see if the agent is here yet."   
  
  
  
She nodded gratefully, gave the coffee machine one more spiteful thump, and exited. Outside, Kim could hear her talking to Malucci, but her attention was on Romano. He was considering her, as if debating whether to tell her something important. "What is it?" she asked.   
  
  
  
"You're, ah, pretty close to Kerry Weaver, aren't you, Dr. Legaspi?"   
  
  
  
Kim had put up with Romano's insinuations about her social life before, but this sounded different. He was honestly concerned. "Yes. Has something happened...?"   
  
  
  
Robert stared at the psychiatrist with a maturity that made her stomach flip. "Yes," he said at last. "This is strictly between us, but I guess you deserve to know."   
  
  
  
She had seen this man in all kinds of situations, and she had never seen him react like this. Normally, some sign of compassion in him would have been an improvement, but now it just made her heart freeze...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Carter eyed Randi suspiciously as he handed her the heavy box of supplies. "Here you go," he said with a forced smile. "Man, Romano's really in a mood today, huh? What's set him off this time?"   
  
  
  
"None of your business, Carter," she snapped. "You ever think maybe he's just trying to do his job?"   
  
  
  
"Uh, I..."   
  
  
  
"So why don't you just shut up and go do yours?" She gave him a frosty glare, then turned and carried the box into the lounge, leaving the young resident completely baffled.   
  
  
  
This was weird. Randi hated Romano. No, that wasn't quiet right. She truly and totally despised him. She had even drawn out with shocking detail what she would do to him if given half the chance. And yet, suddenly, she had been like his right arm. Being incredibly cooperative, serious, and...KIND to him. Loyal to the point of being protective. Which only meant one thing: Hell had frozen over.   
  
  
  
That, or...she wasn't Randi. She was really some sort of alien body snatcher planning on taking over the world. The only question was, which one was it?   
  
  
  
"Hey, Carter. Have you noticed something unusual about Randi and Romano today?"   
  
  
  
Carter turned to Dave Malucci. "You noticed it too, huh?"   
  
  
  
"Yeah! All of a sudden she's, like, his Girl Friday or something. Think maybe they did it, and now she's in love or somethin'?"   
  
  
  
"Nah, she wouldn't so much as let him lick her shoes. I figure, it's either demonic possession or some kind of mind control. You know, brainwashing?"   
  
  
  
Malucci looked up and down the hallway, making sure no one else was close enough to overhear - and looking very suspicious in the process - and then leaned closer. "Got a pretty light patient load right now," he muttered. "Whattaya say we snoop around, look into it a little?"   
  
  
  
"What, like the Hardy Boys?"   
  
  
  
"Who?"   
  
  
  
"Never mind."   
  
  
  
(** On reflection, I could see Carter going along with this bit, but I think the idea would be more likely to originate with Dave. I switched dialogue accordingly, but switch it back if you disagree. **)   
  
  
  
Dave slapped Carter on the back, and pulled him close to him. "Our objective is to penetrate their defenses and find out what they're planning. Now it could be risky, and one or both of us may not come out of this alive. We may have to sacrifice ourselves to beautiful women, and endure hours of physically stressful...activity. We may have to kill the evil Dr. Bald... Are you with me?"   
  
  
  
Carter stared at him intently and held out his hand. He didn't participate in Dave's shenanigans often, but this one was in a worthy cause. Plus, it sounded like fun. "I'm with you."   
  
  
  
Malucci smiled at the other man, and took his hand. "Welcome to the team, Agent Carter."   
  
  
  
"Agent Malucci."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Agent Barrows." The federal negotiator held up his identification and smiled patiently at Erin. "Do you need any food or drink while we wait?"   
  
  
  
Erin smiled back. "What kind of food?"   
  
  
  
Barrows, an older man, took a step forward with his hands held up. "Anything you want."   
  
  
  
Erin brushed a single strand of strawberry blond hair back into place. "Lot of cops out there," she mused. "Got any doughnuts?"   
  
  
  
"Sure. We can bring in some doughnuts."   
  
  
  
Erin puckered her lips, said, "I hate doughnuts," and then fired.   
  
  
  
Kerry flinched at the sound of the gunshot, unable to take her eyes off the negotiator as he fell to the ground, dead. She'd warned Agent Hall about Erin's temperament, and he'd shrugged it off, claiming that she would never attack a government agent. For once she wished that she had been wrong. "Was that really necessary?" she snarled at Erin, forgetting her own danger.   
  
  
  
Erin glared down at her, her hand clenching the gun a little too tightly for comfort. "I didn't ask your opinion. Now shut up and do your job."   
  
  
  
Kerry went back to checking her patient's vitals as best as she could. David Truman was only semiconscious, drifting in and out of shock. The gunshot may not have been that bad, and his earlier wound was only a cut on his arm, like he might have gotten breaking through a windowpane, but it would kill him if he didn't get some sort of treatment soon.   
  
  
  
The sound of a cell phone ringing broke the tense silence. Kerry glanced up none intrusively as Erin answered it and started talking softly. "...it's set for five o'clock. No, no one knows... I will..." Erin's face turned red with anger. "Don't you dare tell me how to do my job...!" She cut the phone off and replaced it in her pocket. Obviously having forgotten about her audience.   
  
  
  
The hostages stared intently at her, catching her eye. "What the hell are you staring at?" Erin asked, and fired twice into a salesman's chest. The other hostages screamed and cowered as she emptied the clip into the sales counter above their heads. Shards of glass rained down, mixing with the salesman's blood.   
  
  
  
Kerry found herself on her feet without willing it. "STOP IT!!" she screamed.   
  
  
  
Erin was on her in a flash, the dead detective's gun appearing in her other hand, aimed right between Kerry's eyes. "You have a problem with me, now, Doc?"   
  
  
  
Terror knifed through Kerry, but she pushed it aside. "No more killing," she grated, "or I won't help David."   
  
  
  
For a moment, she was afraid she might have pushed Erin too far with that ultimatum, as Erin stepped right up to her, the cold metal of the gun jabbing into her forehead...   
  
  
  
The cell phone rang again. Erin whipped it out with her free hand, but didn't lower the gun. "I TOLD YOU...!!"   
  
  
  
Kerry held her breath and waited for the bullet.   
  
  
  
"Oh," Erin said, suddenly calmer. She took the gun away and held up the phone. "It's your fed friend," she said conversationally. "Your supplies are here. Bring 'em back in, or I'll kneecap one of your friends over here."   
  
  
  
Kerry dropped her eyes and nodded, relinquishing the argument over David. The last thing she needed was to be killed in a fit of rage. Under her breath she began to pray, to whatever god was listening.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kim sat at the table, trying to get her thoughts together. Romano had given her a few minutes alone, saying he would have a trauma room prepared, just in case. He tactfully didn't say why. Romano had assured her, she smiled slightly, he'd actually assured her that as long as Erin Truman's husband David was alive that Kerry would stay that way, too. But Kim had figured out that the woman holding Kerry hostage had no intention of letting anyone go.   
  
  
  
The news report had said that she'd taken a number of hostages, including Kerry. Some had been killed already, including a cop. She'd even killed the police negotiator, a harmless older man. The lives of the others seemed to be measured in the health of her husband. The problem was no one was sure how badly hurt he was. For all they knew he could be dying right now, which meant Kerry would follow.   
  
  
  
Kim turned to pour a cup of coffee, then remembered that the machine wasn't working. She bowed her head. Why did things like this always happen when she was happy?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"She said something about five o'clock."   
  
  
  
Agent Hall pounded his fist into the hood of his car lightly. "Did she say where?"   
  
  
  
"No." Kerry checked her watch once more. Damn, she was almost out of time. "I've got to get back inside."   
  
  
  
The agent glanced at the store, judging Erin's line of sight. Making sure his hands were hidden behind the supply box perched on the hood of his car, he whispered urgently, "All right, Dr. Weaver, you may be our last resort."   
  
  
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
  
  
Hall reached under the cuff of his suit trousers and unsnapped an ankle holster, drawing a small automatic pistol. "This is loaded, with a round in the chamber," he explained, showing it to Kerry behind the box. "Just flip down the thumb safety, there, and fire."   
  
  
  
Her eyes widened.   
  
  
  
He put the safety back on, then reversed the pistol and held it out to her, grip-first. "Try to find out where, and then..."   
  
  
  
"I won't take a life," Kerry cut in sharply.   
  
  
  
"Dr. Weaver..."   
  
  
  
"No. I'm a doctor, I save lives, not take them." Kerry turned away from him and tried to pick up the box. It was too bulky for her to manage. "I won't kill. Not now, not ever."   
  
  
  
Hall grabbed her arm and turned her back to face her. "Dammit, Dr. Weaver, we may not have another option!"   
  
  
  
She glared up at the agent, refusing to compromise. "I'll get you your location, but if you want them executed, then do it yourself!"   
  
  
  
He exhaled angrily, then released her and picked up the box himself. She let him carry it to the doorway, then took it carefully from him.   
  
  
  
As she took it, she felt his hand slide under her jacket in back and slip the gun into her waistband. She threw a look of protest at him, but didn't speak; if she said anything now, Erin would hear.   
  
  
  
Hall stepped back away from the store's doorway, showing empty hands, and walked backward to the safety of the police cordon. His eyes remained on Kerry's, telling her what she had to do.   
  
  
  
Kerry stared hard at him. Damn him, he'd forced the issue upon her.   
  
  
  
Erin let her in, but stood back, giving her no help with the box as she wrestled it over to where David lay. Kerry dumped it on the floor and took in the sight of the bodies laying against the left wall. They'd only been dead for two hours but there was still a stench starting to come from them.   
  
  
  
She felt the gun pressed at the base of her spine. She'd never used one, but at close range it would hardly matter. And it might be the only way to save her own life and those of the others. But it would mean crossing a line, giving up a piece of herself.   
  
  
  
Erin's icy blue eyes meet hers sharply. There was no compassion there, no love, nothing but dry, cold death.   
  
  
  
'Would it really be that hard? ' 


	4. Chapter Four

Moral Code   
  
Part Four  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Pairing: KW, KW/KL, Ensemble   
  
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles   
  
Spoilers: Season Seven, but only were Kim is concerned...   
  
Timeline: Season seven   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Randi paced down the hall towards the elevators with this annoying tingling at the back of her mind. She stopped and turned in time to see one of the doors slam closed. She could have sworn... Shrugging, she started for the elevator again.   
  
  
  
The tingling started up again, this time it was stronger. It was like... She swung around, watching curiously as one of the hazard bins tipped slightly then righted itself. On the other side, the food cart rolled about an inch. That's strange.   
  
  
  
She relaxed and entered the elevator. Punching in one of the buttons she kept her eyes locked on the hall. The hazard bin moved slightly as a bleached head popped into view. 'Aha. Gotcha, geek.'   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Agent Malucci scanned the hall for any terrorist soldiers, Flush Hormones was sneaky. She was evil, she was...a desk clerk. He held up his "gun", posing with his knees bending. He felt his lifelong partner, Agent Carter, press into his side, also posing with his "gun".   
  
  
  
He could hear their theme music playing in the background, and softly began to hum along. Carter's British-accented voice joined him, as they slunk their way down to the elevator. As one, they jumped around with guns pointed. No one was there...or so it appeared.   
  
  
  
Ding. They spun around in time to see number thirteen light up. Uh-huh. So that is where the evil queen Hormones went. To see the even eviler...was that even a word? He shrugged... the even eviler Dr. Bald and Dr. Phatso.   
  
  
  
Would they be able to stop the evil threesome? Would they ever get the beautiful model? Would they save the world from Dr. Bald? Would...   
  
  
  
"Come, Agent Malucci..." Carter said in a thick British accent, "We must hurry. The security of Chief, hospital, and medicine is on the line."   
  
  
  
Together they dashed up the stairs, looking dashing with their "guns" still posed. Whatever lay ahead, they would face it boldly, side by side. There might be danger, there might be disaster, they might not come out alive...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Do you think...will we get out of this alive?"   
  
  
  
Kerry paused in her ministrations to glance at the scared young woman. "How old are you?"   
  
  
  
"Twenty two. I...just started med school."   
  
  
  
She fought down the lump that immediately formed in her throat. 'Damn. Not another one.' "What are you majoring in?"   
  
  
  
"Pediatrics..."   
  
  
  
Kerry put her concentration back on David, feeling she needed to keep Karen talking. The poor girl was in mild shock. "Any particular reason why you chose that field?"   
  
  
  
"My little brother died from pneumonia two years ago," Karen answered softly, "I...just need to know why, to understand why him and not someone else... You must think it's stupid..."   
  
  
  
"No, not at all. A lot of doctors have done the same thing..."   
  
  
  
"Having a nice time, are we?" a voice intruded, like a younger version of the Wicked Witch of the West.   
  
  
  
Kerry glanced up at Erin. The woman was seriously trying her patience, and considering she could put up with Romano, that was a huge accomplishment. "I'm just trying to..."   
  
  
  
"I know what you're trying to do." Erin leaned over and smiled sweetly. "And if you don't stop..." Erin pulled back and stared at Karen, considering. "You know what? We don't really need you anymore..."   
  
  
  
Kerry's scream of protest was lost as the gun went off once more...   
  
  
  
Karen's body flew backwards, as Kerry reached for her instinctively, as though to catch the bullet in flight. Or, perhaps, to catch her life before it escaped her body, each goal equally impossible.   
  
  
  
Erin turned furiously and booted Kerry under the arm, driving the breath agonizingly out of her and knocking her away. She fell on her back, Hall's gun under her, as Erin stood over her in a sudden rage. "I've almost had it with you," Erin stated, monotone flat, then stepped back.   
  
  
  
Kerry sat up painfully, and crawled to Karen's side. "Why did you do that?!" she cried. "She wasn't doing anything! She was just helping me!"   
  
  
  
Erin didn't answer. Her mind seemed to be wandering, and she resumed pacing the store, occasionally muttering to herself, or to whatever voices she was hearing.   
  
  
  
Kerry stared hatefully at her, and very nearly reached for the gun hidden at her belt. But she didn't know if she could draw and aim before Erin spotted her, and she now had two patients to attend to.   
  
  
  
She held Karen in her arms, shaking from anger. The only thing keeping her from charging that bitch was the woman in her arms. Karen's wound, like David's, was serious but not immediately critical. She was still alive, she still had a chance, but only if Kerry moved fast.   
  
  
  
Carefully, she laid the woman down, tied the sleeve of an overpriced blouse for a bandage, and draped a nearby jacket over her.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Randi yawned loudly as she leaned against the wall, glancing at her watch. Five... four...three...two...one...   
  
  
  
She looked over with a raised eyebrow as two panting residents collapsed at the top of the stairs, looking disgruntled and yucky.   
  
  
  
She rolled her eyes and jumped onto Carter, driving him to the floor and sitting on his back. Malucci immediately tried to come to Carter's aid. Randi just grabbed him between his legs, making him whimper. Carter stopped moving as he caught what was happening out of the corner of his eyes.   
  
  
  
"All right. Spill."   
  
  
  
Malucci whimpered, unable to hold the tears in his eyes back. "I...don't..."   
  
  
  
Randi squeezed letting her perfectly-manicured, inch-long nail dig in.   
  
  
  
"Okay, I'll...talk...let...go...!"   
  
  
  
She grinned at the high pitched strangled voice, easing up on her grip. "Spill first, spy boy."   
  
  
  
"Wanted to know...Why...you...Romano..." He trailed off, whimpering again.   
  
  
  
Randi let go and sighed. "Is that all? Why didn't you morons just ask me?"   
  
  
  
Malucci stopped rolling around long enough to glare over at Carter. Carter gulped, too afraid of what Randi might do to him to think about that.   
  
  
  
Randi stood up, grabbing Carter by the collar of his shirt, and pulling him up. She got right in the shaking man's face and glared. "Romano will make an announcement when he's ready. In the meantime, take Beavis here and get back to work..."   
  
  
  
Malucci whimpered once more, crying harder now that the pain was setting in. "Did you...hear that? Announcement...they're getting... married."   
  
  
  
Carter dropped his head into his hands. Why him?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Why her? Why Karen? In her own words, why her and not somebody else?   
  
  
  
Kerry had had the same thoughts as she helped Romano clean up Lucy's body. Why did someone so young, who meant no harm to anyone, have to be murdered for nothing?   
  
  
  
She checked Karen's breathing with her stethoscope, and didn't like what she heard. David was no better, but she couldn't muster the same compassion for him as for his wife's innocent victim.   
  
  
  
Not this one, she vowed. I won't lose you too, Karen. Not like Lucy.   
  
  
  
She looked up at Erin, who seemed to be entering a downward phase. She was worse by far than Paul Sobriki, who'd been irrational, but acting out of fear more than anything else. He hadn't been evil, just crazed and frightened. He didn't hurt people for profit or pleasure. Not like this monster in front of her. "You must really love to kill," she muttered.   
  
  
  
Erin sat back in the chair she'd pulled up. "Get back to work," she said without looking up. She looked less energetic now, less sharp and alert.   
  
  
  
Kerry kneeled next to David and checked his pulse again. "I don't see what the point is. You're going to kill me anyway."   
  
  
  
"Maybe, you never know." Erin waved the gun vaguely.   
  
  
  
"Do you honestly think they're going to just let you walk out of here?"   
  
  
  
Erin laughed openly, but it sounded dead to her ears. She wanted to make the laughter stop, to make those...voices... stop. "Let's just say I have insurance." She placed her hand in her coat, and pulled out her cell phone.   
  
  
  
Kerry stared at it hard. Why would a cell phone be insurance? What did that have to do with the bomb? "I don't get it."   
  
  
  
"Of course you don't. Why would you? You're nothing but a burnt-out doctor, struggling to get through the day to day bore of life." Erin seemed to glaze over. "I'll get revenge for what they did to David. I don't care if they pay the money or not. In an hour, that run-down hospital will blow, and so will everyone within a mile of it. All I have to do is dial two sets of numbers and...boom. Those arrogant bastards that hurt my David..."   
  
  
  
It was a hospital. It was a hospital. Oh god, it was a hospital.   
  
  
  
Which one? What if it was Mercy? What if it was County? All those people, all those people that put their trust in her. Every day, every hour, every minute. Carter... Abby...   
  
  
  
Kim...   
  
  
  
Kerry picked up the syringe in her hand, the bottle in the other. There were no more thoughts, nothing left for her to feel. She inserted the needle into the bottle, and filled it. Not bothering with an alcohol wipe, not bothering with sanitation. She stabbed the needle into his arm, and injected it.   
  
  
  
"What are you doing? What is that?"   
  
  
  
Kerry glanced up coldly at Erin. "Just a little something for the pain."   
  
  
  
David's breathing became audibly slower, causing Erin to walk over and kneel down. "David...?" There was a different tone in her voice, that of a concerned wife. Ignoring Kerry, she knelt by her husband's side and set her Beretta down, shaking him by his shoulders. "David, wake up!"   
  
  
  
Make your move now or never, Kerry thought to herself.   
  
  
  
She reached under her jacket clasping the cold metal. In one uncertain movement, she'd drawn it; at the same time, her left hand flashed out, sending the Beretta skidding away across the floor. Erin yelled and grabbed for it, too late.   
  
  
  
Kerry seized Erin's right wrist and pressed the gun into her chest, her finger tightening. "Don't you move!"   
  
  
  
Erin glanced down in shocked humor, then back up at her. "You wouldn't..."   
  
  
  
"Not if you don't make me!" Kerry swallowed against the shaking of her hands.   
  
  
  
Far from being scared, Erin actually seemed pleased. "You want to kill me, Doc? I bet you do. But you're not up to it. You're not strong enough." Her eyes hardened.   
  
  
  
Erin was right, she couldn't. She wasn't a killer, she... "...no..."   
  
  
  
Then Erin's hand was moving like lightning, the dead cop's .38 appearing in it like magic, coming around toward Kerry, and she was...   
  
  
  
Two gunshots blasted through the store, then there was only darkness... 


	5. Chapter Five

Moral Code   
  
Part Five  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net   
  
  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: KW, KW/KL, Ensemble  
  
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles  
  
Timeline: Season Seven  
  
Spoilers: Season Seven  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Randi was almost pleased with herself as she returned to the desk. Carter and Malucci, what a pair of dimwits. She could put up with a lot of nonsense from guys like that, most days she might even enjoy it. But today, she just had no patience with that kind of idiocy.  
  
  
  
What bothered her most about it is that they'd never have behaved like that if they had known Dr. Weaver might be in jeopardy. She wished she could have told them, but she'd promised Dr. Romano she'd keep it quiet. This whole thing had brought out a side of him that the staff of County almost never saw. Now, if only they could get it to stay out, and not go back into hiding after...  
  
  
  
She stopped as she neared the desk and saw the look on Romano's face. He closed his eyes briefly, dropping the phone numbly in the cradle.  
  
  
  
"Dr. Romano...?"  
  
  
  
"It's over." He forced himself to face the desk clerk. "Get the trauma rooms ready, evacuate the hospital. Tell everyone we've got two incoming gunshot victims and ask for any volunteers."  
  
  
  
"Kerry?" Kim asked quietly, letting herself be known. No one else knew about what had happened. Romano had made a general announcement that she was out sick.  
  
  
  
"They...didn't say."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kim stood outside in the falling snow. She raised her face to the darkening sky, just barely being lit by silver stars. The breeze was just soft enough to make the snowflakes dance through the air, but not hard enough to cause it to be incredibly freezing.  
  
  
  
She'd planned to take Kerry to the Renaissance fair tonight. She'd had it all planned out. A romantic dinner over looking the river, their choice of half a dozen different Shakespeare plays. Renaissance age music.  
  
  
  
Afterwards they'd go back to her house and sit in front of the fireplace, with cups of hot chocolate just talking. That's what she loved most, their talks. Sometimes they would talk about politics, sometimes about work, sometimes about themselves.  
  
  
  
She could hear the sirens as they approached. She kept her eyes locked on the sky, on the snow, on the sliver of the moon that was visible. If she looked down at the ambulances, to see which two had survived this long, then she'd have to admit that this was happening. She'd have to deal with the possible loss of a lover that she'd just barely begun to know.  
  
  
  
"She'll be all right."  
  
  
  
Kim made herself look over at Carter. He stood beside her, looking not merely concerned, but actually guilty. "How did you know?"  
  
  
  
He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, back toward the ER doors. "Somebody turned on the TV by the admit desk, and it was still on the news."  
  
  
  
She managed a shaky smile. "I should have known Romano could only keep it under wraps so long."  
  
  
  
Carter shook his head. "God, I feel so bad. I was playing around with Dave, and all the while, Kerry..." His voice broke off.  
  
  
  
Kim felt a wave of sympathy for him. She didn't know what playing around he was talking about, but now that everyone knew about Kerry, the young resident had been the first one to volunteer any words of support. "You're right. If she can handle Romano every day, then this should've been a snap."  
  
  
  
She felt her heart grow cold as the first ambulance pulled to a stop. The gentle laughter died down, as everyone stared at the ambulance doors opening. The two paramedics lowered the stretcher, letting them see the victim.  
  
  
  
Kim dropped her eyes at the sight of the bloodied, strawberry blonde. She glanced over at Doris, "Any news about Kerry?"  
  
  
  
"I...didn't see her."  
  
  
  
Kovac grabbed the stretcher and started to run her inside.  
  
  
  
"What about the other ambulance?"  
  
  
  
"No. They had a man." Doris ran after Kovac.  
  
  
  
Kim felt her knees starting buckle, Carter grabbed her and held her up.  
  
  
  
"...I said I'm fine...It's just a scratch," came a grumpy, familiar voice. "...I'm not an invalid."  
  
  
  
Kim spun around, nearly knocking John over in the process. A police car was parked on the street, and a bad-tempered Kerry was climbing out of the back. Her shoulder was bleeding and she looked like she was about to pass out from exhaustion.  
  
  
  
"Told you," Carter stated, letting his breath out in relief.  
  
  
  
Kim ignored Carter and started for Kerry, trying to keep herself as calm as possible. The last thing Kerry needed right now was a scene in front of her colleagues. She closed the distance as slowly as she could. She started to hug Kerry but stopped herself. "You're hurt..."  
  
  
  
"I'm... I just need a couple of stitches..." Kerry cleared her throat and leaned onto Kim's arm. "I know we're evacuating, but do we have a temporary ER set up outside?"  
  
  
  
Kim wrapped her arm around her waist to give her more support. "I guess. Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I just want to go home and go to bed."  
  
  
  
Kim couldn't help but feel disappointed. She tried to tell herself that Kerry was just tired and she'd just had a stressful day, but she wanted to be there for her. She wanted to take her home and hold her, or listen to her.  
  
  
  
Right now, though, Kerry was all that mattered.  
  
  
  
Kim's thoughts were interrupted as a squad of heavily-suited bomb disposal technicians came out of the hospital doors, accompanied by Agent Hall. "Found the bomb," he stated. "We're conducting further searches, just in case, but it looks like David Truman's work." He nodded to the device being carried out.  
  
  
  
"Where did you find it?" Romano asked.  
  
  
  
"In your lounge area. Apparently, some of your gas mains run right through that wall, so even though it wasn't centrally located, it could have started a massive fire..."  
  
  
  
Randi's eyes bulged as she recognized the object being carried. "The COFFEE MACHINE?!!"  
  
  
  
"Uh-huh." Hall didn't seem impressed.  
  
  
  
Randi thought about the rough treatment she'd given the unhelpful machine earlier, and she nearly fainted.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You were lucky," Carter said to Kerry. "You were only grazed. The powder burns probably hurt worse."  
  
  
  
Kerry didn't respond, not even at the numb tug of the last stitch.  
  
  
  
Carter waved a hand in front of her face expecting something, yelling, a slap, even a glare.  
  
  
  
She looked away. "Are they okay?" she asked, numbly.  
  
  
  
Carter pressed the gauze against her shoulder. "Uh, Truman died on the table and the saleswoman is on the way up to the OR."  
  
  
  
"Was it my fault?"  
  
  
  
Carter finished taping the gauze and turned his attention to the tray. "It could've been a number of things. He'd gone into shock from blood loss. He didn't get immediate medical attention..."  
  
  
  
"I gave him too much..."  
  
  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
  
  
Kerry got off the table unsteadily, the day's exhaustion taking its toll on her. "Yes, I do," she said flatly. "It was intentional."  
  
  
  
She paused in the doorway, turning pleading eyes on Kim.  
  
  
  
"You want me to take you home now?" Kim asked her softly.  
  
  
  
"All right. There's just one thing I need to do first."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry stared at the still figure in the SICU, unsure what to say if anything. She'd done everything she could to get Karen out of there in time, but the bullets had done more damage than she'd originally thought. Right now, it was touch and go.  
  
  
  
The steady beeping sped up, faster and faster, before flat lining. The response was immediate, the nurses and doctor racing into the room. Elizabeth Corday led them, still in her surgical scrubs.  
  
  
  
Kim guided her out into the hall. Kerry leaned back against the wall, too numb to react. She listened dully to the sounds of revival efforts, as if they took place on another planet.  
  
  
  
She heard the British voice some time later. "Kerry...I'm sorry."  
  
  
  
The redhead stared at Corday, and walked away. She ignored Kim's outstretched hands and said simply, "Take me home."  
  
  
  
She had been put to the test, and she'd failed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kerry flung the door open and dropped her crutch. She was aware of Kim entering behind her and closing the door, though they hadn't exchanged a word on the drive.  
  
  
  
When she felt Kim's gentle hands on her shoulders, she shrugged them off, as though burned. "Don't touch me," she hissed.  
  
  
  
Kim moved back, circling around in front of her, always maintaining a distance.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry," Kerry said. "I didn't mean..."  
  
  
  
"Kerry, you're going through post-traumatic shock," Kim calmly assured her. "I understand."  
  
  
  
Understand. How could anyone understand? Was this how Carol Hathaway had felt after that holdup at the mini-mart? How had she gotten through it? How had she been able to stand in the sunshine and smile that same day? Because she didn't have it this bad, that's how. She didn't have to kill anyone. She was able to save some of the people. Kerry hadn't. She couldn't.  
  
  
  
"I-I couldn't save anyone, Kim..." she said, her voice coming out very tight. "I couldn't save Karen, just like I couldn't save Lucy...I couldn't even save the son of a bitch who set the bomb..." She was starting to cry, fighting it every inch of the way. "All I could do was kill..."  
  
  
  
"Kerry..." Kim stepped cautiously into her personal space, putting her hands again on Kerry's shoulders, and this time Kerry didn't pull away. "You saved us all. If not for you, she would have set off the bomb and killed hundreds. Look at me, Kerry."  
  
  
  
Kerry opened her eyes and looked up at Kim.  
  
  
  
The blonde psychiatrist lifted her hands and cupped Kerry's face. "You...saved...my...life," she said, emphasizing each word. "You saved Carter's life, and Randi's, and Robert's, and everyone at County. We all owe the rest of our lives to your courage. That's what you've done for us. For the rest of my life, my heart will beat because of you. Don't ever forget that."  
  
  
  
The last of Kerry's defenses crumbled at Kim's words. Facing Kim, she finally gave in to her first impulse, and pulled her into a tight hug. She buried her face into Kim's neck and let herself go. The tears flowed from her eyes, her body shaking violently in the warm arms.  
  
  
  
A dim haze made of a soft voice surrounded her, and comforted her. It let her know she wasn't alone, that in the end things would be all right. Her legs gave out but the arms didn't let her go, together they ended up on something plush.  
  
  
  
Darkness cradled her mind and she gave in...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Warmth was the first thing she was aware of. The sweetest scent in the world was the next thing. She felt ...numb... like something out of a dream. An arm tightened around her waist. A set of legs were intertwined with hers. She murmured happily and curled tighter against the source of warmth.  
  
  
  
"You awake?"  
  
  
  
She cracked one grey eye open to glare at the blonde. She wanted to sleep, she wanted to stay like this for the rest of her life. Kim smiled softly at her, making her agitation melt away. Damn, how was she supposed to stay mad at her?  
  
  
  
"I am now." She pulled the heavy fur blanket tighter around them, enjoying how close the couch was forcing them to be.  
  
  
  
"You want to get some breakfast? I know a bagel place a few blocks away."  
  
  
  
"Thank you for last night."  
  
  
  
"That's what I'm here for," Kim joked softly. She perched up on her elbow, becoming more serious. "Kerry, I really think you should talk to someone about what happened."  
  
  
  
"Can it be you?"  
  
  
  
Kim relaxed and nodded. "As long as you let me help you."  
  
  
  
"I will. I promise."  
  
  
  
"Good. Now, I say we call in, take the day off." Kim started to sit up. "...and get some food. I'm starving."  
  
  
  
Kerry smiled softly. "Me too, but...a little later, okay?"  
  
  
  
Kim nodded. "Okay," she said, and let Kerry pull her back down, holding her closer. It wasn't sex, or food, or even love that was uppermost on her mind, but Kerry's welfare. The amazingly durable spirit of the woman she loved had been injured, severely, but not crushed beyond repair. With time, and patience, she'd be okay.  
  
  
  
Kim swore she'd make sure of that. 


End file.
